


Putting Truth to the Lie

by Caedmon



Series: Nearly Human 'verse [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Humor, Timepetalsprompts, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 05:04:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5899297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caedmon/pseuds/Caedmon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor is looking for an excuse to get out of dinner with Rose's parents. Rose offers to make his excuses, but it's not one he's going to like. </p>
<p>Based on the timepetalsprompts weekly ficlet prompt: <i>"We are not telling my mother we injured ourselves while shagging!"</i></p>
<p>Rated T for suggestive conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Putting Truth to the Lie

**Author's Note:**

> As always...  
> I own nothing but the mistakes, since this is unbeta'd.  
> Comments and kudos are the life blood of the muse. Thank you for every single one!  
> Come talk to me! caedmonfaith.tumblr.com

The Doctor, now known as Dr. John Noble, was a lot of things. He was nearly human. He was a treasured asset at this universe’s Torchwood. He was devastatingly handsome and stunningly brilliant. He had really, really great hair. He was Tony Tyler’s favorite grownup in the entire world. He was a media darling and one half of the beloved society couple recently dubbed “Doctor Tyler” by the tabloids. He had been thoroughly accepted by Rose’s family, and was the love of Rose’s life. 

One thing that he was _not_ , however, was the athletic owner of superior Time Lord biology. 

It was this lack of qualities that currently had him lying in the bed he shared with Rose, whinging pitifully about the agonizing pain in his legs and back he’d acquired while working out with Rose at the gym the day before. 

Rose, long since used to the dramatics of her boyfriend, simply sifted through the closet for something to each of them wear to her parents’ house for dinner. 

“I can’t go, Rose. Surely you understand. I can barely walk.”

“You’ll be fine, Doctor.”

“No, you don’t understand... my legs. I think they may fall off. And sitting up is pure agony,” he whimpered.

Rose rolled her eyes and pulled out a simple sundress, lying it out on the bed near his feet before turning back to flip through his side of the closet.

“Why have you become so hard-hearted to my plight, Rose?” he complained sadly. “Can’t you feel _any_ sympathy?”

She turned around to face him, tossing a pair of jeans and a tshirt onto the bed for him. “Yes, Doctor,” she said in a deadpan voice that belied her words. “You are incredibly pitiful and my heart breaks for you. I am sure that the sore muscles you are experiencing in your legs and back is the worst pain that anyone has ever dealt with in the history of the multiverse. Your selfless bravery while you recover from such a grievous injury should be lauded to the masses, and the multitudes should sing your praises as the martyr you are.”

He lay back on the bed, satisfied. “Quite right, too.”

“Now put on your clothes. We’re going to be late.”

The Doctor went right back to whinging. “ _But Rooooooose…_ ”

“Don’t ‘ _but Rose_ ’ me, Doctor. You wouldn’t be sore if you’d have taken it slow at the gym like I suggested. But oh, no,” Rose rocked back and forth from side to side just a little, holding her hands up and speaking in a tone that left little to the imagination as to what she thought of his bravado the day before. “ _Mr. Impressive_ had to show off. And now you have a little cramping in your legs and back.”

“It’s not _a little cramping_ , Rose. My legs may fall off. It’s quite serious.”

“You’re not getting out of my Mum’s birthday dinner, Doctor. Although I do applaud the effort you’re putting into this avoidance.”

He switched gears, trying a different tactic. “It’s not that I don’t want to _see_ your family. You know I love your mum. She’s my favorite Tyler woman - present company excepted, of course.” Rose rolled her eyes so hard it hurt a little. “It’s just that I don’t think my body will support me. I’ve been betrayed by my rubbish physiology, Rose Tyler. It’s a betrayal, pure and simple.”

Rose pulled the dress over her head and let it fall into place, not missing the way the Doctor’s eyes slid down her body. She swayed her hips a bit unnecessarily when she walked over to her vanity and picked up a pair of earrings, slipping one into her ear while she gave him an assessing look. 

“Alright then, I’ll tell you what,” she offered. “You don’t have to go with me. I’ll make your excuses to my parents. But I’m going to tell them that you couldn’t come because hurt yourself while we were shagging.”

The Doctor’s eyes went wide and his jaw slack. “You wouldn’t dare,” he breathed.

“Wouldn’t I?” she raised an eyebrow, threading the other earring through her ear. “Oh, Dad and Mum will simply _love_ to hear all about that.”

“Rose, that’s not funny. Your mum won’t slap me, she’ll cut me.”

She didn’t respond to his comment, just went on merrily. “I’ll tell them that you decided you wanted to be impressive in the sack and tried something you’d read in a magazine. It was lovely, of course, but old man that you are, bless, your poor body just wasn’t equipped for such acrobatics.”

His eyes were wide and terrified. “Rose Tyler, you evil thing.”

Unperturbed, Rose reached down to her vanity and picked up a couple of bangle bracelets, slipping them on. “I’ll tell them that you’re terribly sorry that you couldn’t come to Mum’s birthday dinner, but you simply _had_ to lay around on an ice pack because your poor, old muscles just couldn’t keep up. And I'll say how sad it is, really, that we won’t be able to do that again, because it really was rather enjoyable.”

The Doctor just gaped at her, horrified, then Rose tilted her head to the side, pretending to ponder.

“Of course, it may be a bit much to say that it happened during acrobatic shagging.”

He looked relieved for just a second before she went on. 

“It would probably be more believable if I just told them you threw your back out during plain old, _regular_ shagging.” He made a little squeak of protest and she grinned down at him, proud of herself for this better idea. “Yes, I think that’s what I’ll do. The regular old missionary position, and poor, elderly, decrepit Doctor hurt himself.”

“You’re the devil,” he hissed at her.

She waggled her eyebrows at him, then touched her tongue to the corner of her mouth. “‘Course, we can only hope that none of mum and dad’s staff are moles for the tabloids. Can you imagine what would happen if _that_ story leaked?”

“It’s a bluff. No one will ever believe you,” he said with an air of false confidence.

She leveled a look at him. “You won’t be there to contradict me, will you? It'll only be my word.”

He looked at her, his mouth opening and closing soundlessly, and she clicked her tongue and turned on her heel. “I’m going to finish getting ready now. Don’t want to be late when I have such juicy news to share, you know.”

She sat down at her vanity and peered into the mirror over her shoulder for just a second. The Doctor was staring at her back, unbelieving, and she bit her lip to fight down a smile. 

After a moment, he grumbled something around her name and rolled to the side, snatching the denims she’d laid out for him as he went. 

Rose turned on her stool to watch him get dressed and couldn’t help but grin at his muttering and swearing. She stood up, walking to him and putting her hands on his bare chest while he did his best to ignore her. 

“Thank you, Doctor, for changing your mind,” she cooed, kissing his cheek. 

“Do I have a choice?” he mumbled.

“Tell you what. You come tonight and play nice, and we can try to work up a _real_ shagging injury.”

The Doctor sniffed, not meeting her eyes. “I don’t know that I believe you, considering the heinous lie you were going to tell about me.” 

She stood up on tiptoe and closed her lips around his ear, nibbling lightly. “Don’t you want to put truth to the lie?”

He tried to look dignified, but Rose’s smile against his neck never failed to break him down.

“Oh, alright," he surrendered. "I’ll come tonight.”

She grinned wolfishly and touched her tongue to the corner of her mouth. “Too right you will.”


End file.
